Are you baffled by your child’s aggressive behavior? Though it might be one of the toughest phases to face as a parent, you should know that you’re not alone. Only yesterday I come across a family who was going through this same hassle. Fortunately, their belief in holistic health treatments brought them to me. As tough as it may seem, I think that with just a few simple tips you can try to control your child’s rage.

We all have heard that children can be aggressive at times. But when your angel suddenly starts to hit, push or growl at others, it is natural to be concerned. In this blog I shall reveal, through the conversation I had with the family at my clinic an integrated healthcare in Pune, some useful tips to keep your kids expression in control.

Mr Narayan: His fits of anger are growing with every passing day. Earlier he used to get angry in the cute childish way like all the children do. But he would also quickly succumb to our cajoling and be cheerful again. However recently, he is angry for a longer period and has also started to break things.

an angry kid

Dr Nidhi: I would ask you to Recognize the Reasons behind the Aggression, Research suggests that one of the primary emotions behind aggression is a feeling of helplessness. If your kid is directing his aggression towards you, maybe you are exercising too much control over your child. I don’t mean this in a negative way. Your control may come out of love and you always wish to assure his safety hence he keep regulating every aspect of his life.

Mrs Narayan: Yes doctor you’re right; because we tend to get a little paranoid about his safety we tend to impose a lot of restriction. So how should we remedy this?

Dr Nidhi: You can try giving your child more power by choice as your relationship can benefit immensely from this freedom. When children are aggressive towards other children, it is because they can’t express their feelings to get what they want. The key is to teach them to express their desires without resorting to means like hitting or yelling.

Mr Narayan: Indeed, we should give him more choices. But, what about his behavior doctor?

a mother talking to her kid

Dr Nidhi: Once you accept their feelings, the behaviors are automatically curbed. When our kids get angry, it is important to first acknowledge their feelings. One of the best ways of diffusing negative emotions is to recognize them. For instance, a simple sentence like, “You look really upset” can make a big impact.

If you can catch your kid’s emotion when they are getting upset, make sure to let them know that you understand how they feel. However, it is important to note that even though you empathize with their feelings, you don’t agree with their behaviour.

I would like you to ask a question, do you hit your kid?

Mr Narayan: Occasionally when he gets impossible, he leaves no other option. I know it’s not right, but it’s really hard to see him like that and not be able do something about.

a father hitting his kid

Dr Nidhi: I understand but you should always Use Your Words, Not Your Hands. It can be easy to slip into the trap of using your hands to regulate your child’s behaviour. However, the minute you do so, you’re teaching them exactly the opposite of what you want to.

Rather, use your words so they know that there are other tools like words available to portray anger and you don’t always have to hit or scream. For example, if your child has hit you, say ‘Ouch, no hitting. You seem really angry about something. Please tell me in words.’ This conveys that you care about their feelings but you won’t be a victim of physical violence.

Mrs Narayan: I do the ‘Ouch, no hitting’ part but not quite often.

a mother talking to her kid

Dr Nidhi: Well Consistency is the Key. It can be exhausting to be a positive parent to an aggressive child. However, remember that consistency is an important step for the holistic health care of your little one.

Children can be confused if you are okay when they push their friend one day and get really mad when they do it the next time. Make sure you have established certain ground rules and you stick with them at all times. Always be consistent when he misbehaves and try to set an example with our own positive behaviour.

Mr & Mrs Narayan: Thank you doctor this has been really great. We didn’t know there were so many things that we were doing wrong, no wonder our kid was getting angrier by the day. We shall do everything that you have suggested.

So, how do you think the conversation went? Did it help you identify the places where you were going wrong. Let me know what you think about it.

Lastly, you can also prevent future aggression by helping children balance their good hormones. Holistic health treatments encourage skipping, jumping, swimming, bouncing a ball, jumping, etc. Managing aggressive behavior is a tough and time-consuming job.

You will need the support of your friends and family and experts so that your child is calmer and happier. If you still can’t manage your child’s aggressive behavior, it may be time to consult his paediatrician or a holistic health care specialist for other solutions. Feel free to see me at Dr Nidhi’s PHCC – an integrated healthcare solution in Pune!